The Journey

It's been a year since I last posted. I think when I started this blog I expected to be able to write more frequently. Having a full time job, being a mom to 4 boys, and running a house seems to get in the way of things like sitting down and blogging.
Here I am though, it's 10:30pm and while everyone else in the house is sleeping I am sitting on the couch reflecting on life.
So much has changed lately and things will continue to do so. I never knew it was possible to feel so many emotions at once. There are things that make me sad and yet hopeful at the same time. One thing is that my parents sold my childhood home. I am sad to see it go. It's a place where I feel safe and familiar and yet I am excited for my parents to be able to  not have to worry about another property and the financial freedom that the sale will allow them.
Another one of those is my sister in law, brother in law and my nephew have moved to Idaho. I'm sad because we will no longer be a 5 minute drive away and I won't get to experience things like going to my nephew's baseball games or getting together on holidays. However, I am extremely understanding of the desire to move someplace where you have room to breathe, a place that's  safer and cleaner for the kids to grow up. I am excited for them as they begin their new adventure and can't wait for the good things that are in store for them.
There is one more big event that has happened to our family and that is the passing of our Grandma. She died one week before her 91st birthday. The other day I was sweeping the floor and just began to tear up. I miss her so. I miss how she used to call and leave the same message on my voice mail every time she called. (Selena, please call me.) I miss how Evan used to whisper in her ear and ask for a cookie and she used to smile and of course say yes. I miss how she used to read the kids books and when they were little she loved when they crawled up and sat in her lap. I miss watching tv with  her and find myself wanting to watch Lifetime movies in her honor with the volume on the tv up real loud. She just always loved us. All of us. She held all of us together.
There are always things in this life that change. Some change hurts, some change feels uncomfortable and some change is for the better. Even the people in our lives change. Some people leave our lives because they have to, some choose to go, some move on but stay close to your heart. I don't know what the future holds for me but I know that I am extremely blessed and my prayer is that I make a difference the way others have made a difference for me.

Different Doesn't Mean Weird

Every year I take my class on a 3 day field trip to a working horse ranch called Rawhide Ranch. Today I came home from that trip and felt the need to say something.  A few times I was told "it must be like a vacation for you without your kids." So let me get this clear, you think that leaving my 4 kids and husband at home for 3 days to come take care of 9 other kids who are all trying new things and having all kinds of mixed emotions about it is a vacation?  Those same 9 kids are spending 2 nights away from home in a society where most kids have never spent a night away from home before and now they are getting homesick. Please don't get me wrong,  I have a good time on the trip. It is awesome to see 3rd graders learn to be responsible for themselves.  It's good to see them learn to make choices, try new things and conquer their fears. It, however,  is work. 3 straight days of work. Even the nights are work because even though 3rd graders can sleep through the night they usually don't when they're away from home and nervous.  The other thing that gets to me about that statement is that I actually like spending time with my husband and kids. That may be a rare thing in society today but it's true. I miss my husband while I'm gone. I miss my kids while I'm gone. I don't like not being a part of their daily lives. Yes, my everyday life can be hectic with work, homework,  dinner, housework, baseball practice,  etc but that is the life I chose and the life I love. 

It is also not a vacation for my husband or kids. My husband and I work together as a team to keep our household running smooth. We each have our roles and things we do and it works for us. When I'm gone I'm asking my husband to take care of everything by himself. Although he always does an awesome job and is more than capable of taking care of everything it's just easier with a partner. 

I guess the point of this little rant is that we all need to learn to think before we speak.  If what we want to say is True, Helpful,  Inspiring,  Necessary,  and Kind then go ahead.  If it doesn't fit that criteria then maybe we should hold our tongues.  

In addition,  I have come to the conclusion that my family is just different.  We value different things, enjoy different things, and run our home differently. Different doesn't mean weird. Different just means not the same as you.

Day 4

This is a picture of a pin I have on Pinterest.  Let me explain what exactly I'm grateful for. Today I am grateful for words of wisdom that have been passed down to me from my parents and grandparents.  I hear these sayings in my head all the time and usually in the voice of whoever has said it to me the most. I always hear my mom way, "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say nothing at all."  When something is particularly frustrating my Nanny's voice rings loud and clear with, "you can fight a bear that long" Other times  I can hear my dad patiently walk me through what needs to be done.  When I feel like complaining or throwing myself a pity party my mom's voice reminds me "you've got the same clothes to get glad in." These words of wisdom may not make sense to everyone.  I can't even be sure where they started from but I've heard them all my life and I'll use them all my life. Hopefully when my boys are faced with an unpleasant situation they will hear my voice sharing those same words of wisdom and maybe a few of my own. 

Day 3

Jamba Juice....not as good as a mocha frappe from McDonalds or a frap from Starbucks but a healthier alternative and it satisfies my sweet tooth.

Day 2

Today I'm grateful for playtime with my kids at Chuck E. Cheese.

365 Days of Gratitude

I read somewhere online today about a photographer that took a picture of something she was grateful for each day for 365 days. The reason behind her idea was to spend more time being grateful and less time worrying and being stressed.  I think this is a fabulous idea so I'm going to attempt it here on my blog. So day 1....I am grateful for views like this.

The Best and the Toughest Part of My Job

The best part of my job can also be the toughest part of my job.....and that is how much I care about my students. I don't know if every teacher experiences the same feeling, if it's unique to a few of us, or even if it's unique to our small school. I see it in other teachers that I work with. In fact, today I saw it in all of us. For me, it's so easy to begin to care about their lives. I see them every day for 9 months. They tell me their stories. They share their worries. They tell me when they aren't feeling well and I find band-aids and ice packs. They share what they did over the weekend. I help them solve arguments with their friends. I help build confidence in their academic achievements, even if that means earning a 'C' instead of a 'D'. I become part of their lives. So caring about them comes naturally. Today I felt so many emotions for one of my old students. He was in my class two years ago and is now a 5th grader. I knew when he was in my class that he was a great kid with really great parents. In fact, every teacher that ever had him in their class has said the same thing. Today, I watched him do what no 5th grader should ever have to do.....he gave his father's eulogy. As soon as I heard his voice the tears began to flow freely. I cried because I knew the great relationship he had with his dad. I cried because I wished I could do something to ease his pain and yet what could stop that kind of hurt? I also cried because I was proud of him. He stood up in front of probably more than 100 people and spoke with such bravery, poise, and grace. I can't even tell his story without the tears beginning to well up in my eyes and yet he stood there in front of all of us and spoke with conviction. He mentioned a few things that he would miss about his dad but only after mentioning that he would miss everything about him. He told us the things his dad had taught him like how to shake hands and look people in the eye. His last statement was the promise that he would keep his dad's memory alive. I know he will keep that promise forever. I know this because his dad taught him at such a young age how to be a great young man. When people interact with him in the future they will see a product of a dad and a mom that spent time making memories and teaching life lessons. And so for today, the best part of my job, the caring and sharing in their lives, became the toughest part. It has been emotional for all of the teachers at our school. We all care about this student and his family. And yet, all of us love what we do. We will be there on Tuesday to welcome him back to school. We will be there in April when it's his day's birthday to help him get through the day. We'll continue to pray for him. We'll be there at his 5th grade graduation to help him celebrate his accomplishment. We'll do all of this because caring about students..... that is the best part of our job.